Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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