mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
