Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
