the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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