she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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