If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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