I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
