Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
