My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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