Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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