Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
