you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he quoted the bible to break up with me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
