Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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