not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
