man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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