My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
