I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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