Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
...so i touched it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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