So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
