I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
