I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
