I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize