I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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