whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
