I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
