so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
