Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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