Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
