My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
