Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
