I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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