Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
dude. I can hear the air.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
