i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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