Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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