meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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