Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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