ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
