I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
