there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
