over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
