so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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