you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
