Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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