Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
