There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
someone get that fucking seahorse.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Randomize
