i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
