Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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