I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
