did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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