hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
