Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
