you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
