Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
